Tuesday, September 04, 2012

last day of summer

I have been meaning to be sure and take photographs of my sweet Adelaide on her last day of summer. For in the morning, she starts Kindergarten!
She is so ready. I am so not ready. For the past couple of weeks, I've been waking up in the random wee hours, my heart racing, gripped in a nonsensical panic. I feel as though the most amazing and magical time of my life - these years spent being with my little daughter - are drawing to a close.

My heart is aching.... not for her, for I am so proud and excited for her. But for me! I have always thought of myself as her teacher and had many soft-focused visions of homeschooling, but it's just not what she wants. Addie is the type of kid who adores school - going to school, learning, making and being with friends, helping her teacher and classmates. She's been talking of and waiting for this day for years. I could never keep her from her dreams.

But, I have realised that learning doesn't only happen on school days during school hours. And that even if my daughter wants to go off to school, it doesn't mean that I won't be her teacher anymore. I intend to (try to) have the best of both worlds for her, supporting our local school and homeschooling her still - in all of the other hours.

I intend on always being Addie's teacher.

(...Even though my heart is still aching.)

UPDATE: Addie and I did great! We love her new teacher who is warm, professional, believes in having the children learning out-of-doors as much as possible, believes that learning is a teacher-parent partnership, and obviously adores children. Not one tear was even shed (by either of us) and Addie can't wait to go back today. YAY!


dottycookie said...

I think many of us share your sentiments. School has restarted for my two girls this morning and while I'm relieved and happy that they are so excited to go back, I feel wistful and a bit lonely today. We'll all be fine - and think how sweet home time will be!

Jack said...

Ah! Your second last sentence sums up exactly how I feel about my little ones too. I hope her first day goes well. Lovely blog by the way - I've been reading a while, but never commented.

Joan said...

The first born going to the first day of school is a HUGE turning point in life for the child and the mother. I have to say I was happy to have my daughter go to school, our world at home was not big enough for her, she wanted to explore new worlds, meet new people, learn new things. I still had a 3 yr. old at home so the emptiness was not there, but it was sure a big turning point in our lives.

Addie will come home full of excitement and babbling, tripping over her words. Happy and filled with joy.

Rosa @ FlutterFlutter said...

I'm feeling it this year too. My youngest just started kindergarten yesterday. I will miss our days together!

Anonymous said...

you mean just because I want to homeschool it doesn't mean my girl will also? panic!

Anonymous said...

My girl goes to school next year and I am already feeling like you do. I love that you "let go" of your needs/wants in order for her to have hers. That's the most important thing about being a mother. You will always be her teacher. School is only five days a week for a set number of hours/years...you are there forever.

Hana said...

I can only imagine what a bittersweet time it is for you at the moment (my eldest will be starting school in little over a month!) - and I'm glad to hear that it all went well - it gives me hope that I won't be a blubbering mess when I drop my Ava off at her classroom door for the first time... but I also whole-heartedly believe in what you say about always being Addie's teacher.

I think as parents no matter what type of 'formal' education our children receive, we are always their teacher - and I think it is a beautiful responsibility!!

April said...

Wow, she's gotten so big! We don't see pictures of your kids very often anymore, so when we do I'm surprised at how much bigger they've gotten since last time.

Love her smile.

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Johanna said...

Ilove your attitude about school. As a former teacher, I can say that it is so important for the parents to be involved in their children's education. I could always tell whose parents were involved in their lives (personal and academic).I feel the same way about sending my boy to school in 2 years. I think he'll want to go, and I would like to homeschool, but in the end I think it will be a combination of school and homeschool.

plumbing said...

I can relate with this one because when my daughter's first day in school I am the one who most excited. This is a good sign that the the kids are eager to learn and gain more friends.

Mariko Brown said...

Oh, Adelaide, she looks so pretty! I'm glad you and your daughter like your new teacher. Happy New Semester!

Anonymous said...

Wow. Thank you so much for articulating how I feel,and for preparing me to let go of my beloved first-born should she choose. Your motherhood makes me smile. You have cherished your daughter's precious babehood and by the pictures, she knows. She knows.

Mike said...

It's always hard and scary to think about your kids starting school. My mom was more nervous about me going to school then I was. I think it's exciting though in it's own way for a mother because your allowing your child to grow up.

Erin said...

This post spoke directly to my heart and was exactly what I needed on this day just a month before I enroll my oldest in kindergarten. I have been stubborn about wanting to homeschool when my son so desires to go to school. Your resolve to homeschool in the hours Addie is not at school was inspiring. Thank you for the reminder that I will always be his teacher.

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