Saturday, July 07, 2012

meditation

afternoon nap by lovelydesign



My little Reid is now 15 months old, and it has begun to occur to me that each day he is turning from a little baby into a little boy. He has begun walking and saying his first words. Loves getting down with his little boy business of zooming trucks all around the floor and moving dirt all around the yard. Charms all the ladies on the bus with his huge owl eyes and quick smiles. And he burps and then laughs hysterically at his cleverness.

Reid is changing more and more each day into a little... man!
This realisation - that my little Reid is more and more no longer going to be a little baby - it grips my heart with a swollen ache. For it is absolutely magical for me to witness this little person growing and showing me more and more of himself each day. Becoming who he's going to be.... this to me is magic.

But my heart is aching because somehow, someway, I need to be able to hold on to these days. To capture even just a little bit of Reid's baby sweetness... his softer-than-water skin and soft silken hair and sweet smelling breath and his gentle gazes deep into my eyes. It breaks my heart that I know that I can't somehow bottle up and keep just a little bit of his sweet baby self.

For Reid will grow up and away from me to become... what I hope with all of my heart he will become...  a gentle man.

- - - - -

But this ache in my heart - that my (most likely, last) baby is growing up and away... it is a good thing. It has reminded me that I want to - need to - do this better. It has reminded me stop focussing on all those hundreds of other little things - all of the daily chores and distractions - and to once again move slowly and consciously. To put my children in first place, and be their mama first. Once again, with all my heart.

17 comments:

dd yuono said...

oOo...what a lovely ... two thumbs up for you!!I cant wait to feel the same way as you feel now. I felt how become a mother 2 months ago before the miscarriage.

Georgine said...

That is quite the cat!!!!

I always tell my girls I am going to put them in a bubble to keep them from growing. And then I scrunch them up. And I still nurse my 2 year old to get that cuddly sweetness. I love when she falls asleep all cuddled up in my arms. Lovely post!

Anonymous said...

Beautifully said. I feel the same way. My second (and probably last) will be 4 months tomorrow and it is already moving to fast. I makes my heart ache to realize how much I have missed due to the business of life already. With my first I did such a better job of "holding back the world ". It is nice to know other mothers feel the same way. - Kati

hasenschneck said...

I still feel like that. My son is 24 and just about to move from the UK to Australia for a year.

Bego said...

beautiful post. thanks for putting my feekings in words.

Kate said...

Sharilyn, you always describe motherhood in the most beautiful way possible. It makes my heart swell!

Anika said...

A lovely post...I remember when I had this same exact moment and it transformed motherhood into something even more special. This photo by the way has to be one of the cutest things ever, so sweet.

Jodi said...

wonderful and heart-felt - I know my daughter is feeling the same way. She's a stay-at-home mom and has quit texting and blogging, etc., while my 20-mth-old grandson is awake so as not to miss a thing! kudos to both of you!

Miek said...

Beautifully written!! Time goes by so fast...it's a good thing to focus on the important things.
So enjoy :)
Love, Miek

GOSIA said...

oh my! this post made my eyes wet. I'm a mum of three (boys). My youngest turned 1 yesterday and I already miss him - the way he is now, the way he used to be, at the same time looking forward to his growing up. You put it down perfectly! Whatever the number of kids you have, I guess you never seem to be 100 percent ready to let go the little baby inside your little boy. Pantha rei, helas.

Deegrl said...

First, Sharilyn, it's so good to see you back blogging. I've so missed your posts. I found your blog when my son was just a few months older than your Addie. Thank you for sharing your thoughts to eloquently. They brought tears to my eyes as I read them because it is EXACTLY how I feel about my little Ben. He's 5.5, and I miss his babyhood. Yes, hold on to each precious moment you have with your children. As mamas we'll always miss them as babies. The ache will always be there because it's part of the cycle of life. It is also a reminder to enjoy each moment and like you said, cease getting caught up with the chores and distractions of daily life. Continue to enjoy your precious children. They are so very lovely.

piccikka said...

your blog is so beautiful and sweet! Smile.

Anonymous said...

I could have written this about my little boy who is 14 months! I have tears in my eyes as you have summed up how I feel about him completely! I pray that his mama will always have a special place in his heart as he grows more and more independent of me, these days are flying by! But what a blessing to be living them! Precious babies x

Anonymous said...

So great to read your blog

Julia said...

yes indeed. My little lady is 19 months as of Friday. and her big brother is knocking on 4 *sigh* I love watching them grow up, looking forward to having conversations with them, going to dinner with my husband. BUT my babies, my babies are leaving me and they're being replaced by these amazing people with opinions and jokes.

home improvement advice said...
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Jerry said...

No way that cat looks exactly like mine -x-
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