Tuesday, April 12, 2011

new days

Our little man Reid is now just over 2 weeks old, and slowly we've been getting to know both him and these new days. I am grateful that my partner Charles has stepped back from his work this month, so that we can all have these precious first days together. Charles is the type of guy who works constantly and rarely, if ever, takes any time off, so it means so much to me to have him with us. (Being both self-employed, neither of us has any "official" parental leave.) These days have been at times trying, but mostly just wonderful.

Reid is a sweet and mellow little man who rarely ever cries. I've realised that he only really actually cries when he is being changed, which he gets so upset about! He communicates, rather, in an amazing symphony of grunts and groans the likes of which I don't ever remember coming from Adelaide. I'm not sure if all this grunting is a male baby thing, or just a Reid thing.

But besides his grunting, mostly he just sleeps. And then for a few hours a day, here and there, he will wake up and he is happiest to just lie and look all around at his world before falling back to sleep again.

This love I have for my little boy is gentle and sweet and calm and pure. He fits perfectly and neatly in my heart and in my soul, like he has always been here, quiet and waiting. It is as though I have always known him, and somehow he has always been with me.

My biggest challenge has been simply missing my daughter, so much that often it physically hurts. Adelaide and I ordinarily spend huge amounts of time together, just me and her, one on one, but now this can't really happen, not like before anyways. Every so often we are able to grab a few moments and we can sneak away to read books or paint fingernails or investigate the crocuses in our little garden together. Of course, I knew it would be this way with a new baby, and I've been taking steps to prepare her and let her know what is happening and tell and show her love. And she seems to be handling this whole new situation extraordinarily well - she is happy and loves helping out with her baby brother! But I wasn't prepared for how this all would effect me, and how intensely I would miss my daughter. Several times already, when night has come and she is tucked safely in her bed and the house is dark and still, I have found myself left feeling so heartbroken and sobbing my heart out, because I miss her so much. I never really expected this.

But I am hopeful and determined that with a little bit of time Addie and Reid and I will become a little team, too. And together the three of us will begin to create new and precious times together.