Tuesday, April 12, 2011

new days


Our little man Reid is now just over 2 weeks old, and slowly we've been getting to know both him and these new days. I am grateful that my partner Charles has stepped back from his work this month, so that we can all have these precious first days together. Charles is the type of guy who works constantly and rarely, if ever, takes any time off, so it means so much to me to have him with us. (Being both self-employed, neither of us has any "official" parental leave.) These days have been at times trying, but mostly just wonderful.


Reid is a sweet and mellow little man who rarely ever cries. I've realised that he only really actually cries when he is being changed, which he gets so upset about! He communicates, rather, in an amazing symphony of grunts and groans the likes of which I don't ever remember coming from Adelaide. I'm not sure if all this grunting is a male baby thing, or just a Reid thing.

But besides his grunting, mostly he just sleeps. And then for a few hours a day, here and there, he will wake up and he is happiest to just lie and look all around at his world before falling back to sleep again.

This love I have for my little boy is gentle and sweet and calm and pure. He fits perfectly and neatly in my heart and in my soul, like he has always been here, quiet and waiting. It is as though I have always known him, and somehow he has always been with me.


My biggest challenge has been simply missing my daughter, so much that often it physically hurts. Adelaide and I ordinarily spend huge amounts of time together, just me and her, one on one, but now this can't really happen, not like before anyways. Every so often we are able to grab a few moments and we can sneak away to read books or paint fingernails or investigate the crocuses in our little garden together. Of course, I knew it would be this way with a new baby, and I've been taking steps to prepare her and let her know what is happening and tell and show her love. And she seems to be handling this whole new situation extraordinarily well - she is happy and loves helping out with her baby brother! But I wasn't prepared for how this all would effect me, and how intensely I would miss my daughter. Several times already, when night has come and she is tucked safely in her bed and the house is dark and still, I have found myself left feeling so heartbroken and sobbing my heart out, because I miss her so much. I never really expected this.

But I am hopeful and determined that with a little bit of time Addie and Reid and I will become a little team, too. And together the three of us will begin to create new and precious times together.

64 comments:

May said...

I'm so happy to see your little boy! Congratulations!! Enjoy the much needed family time.

Faith said...

You so beautifully express the joy and pain of accepting a new little person into your heart and life. All of the pieces will fit together in time, and the first step is in just communicating the different steps of the journey to yourself, as you already are. You have such a gorgeous family.

Anonymous said...

De-lurking to say congratulations, and yes yes yes I know what you are going through. My daughter was 21 mo when my son was born and I remember feeling SO MAD that everyone wanted to "help" by taking her away so I could be with the baby. I kept thinking "how about you take the baby so I can be with my girl???"

2 years later and I still am just as bonded with her - we work to get our mom/daughter time and it has been great. But most amazing has been seeing the team the two kids have formed all on their own. I am so pleased with the way they have bonded. And what is most amazing to me is that now? I am just as addicted to my precious mother/son time, and I work as hard to get that as I do mother/daughter! I guess I am just saying that I felt a similar pain, and it got so much better. I know the same will be true for you. Congrats again and thank you for the loveliness you post here!

blair/wise craft said...

Congratulations Sharilyn, he's amazing! Reading your post made me remember the feelings I had when I had Ian as a baby and Emma as an almost 3 year old. Some days I felt so far removed from her she actually felt blurry from across the room. I was so confused at the feelings of loss I felt for *she and me*. We did find a new rhythm for our days and it made me happy to see them grow together. Enjoy your lovely family!

Jen said...

Congratulations to the new addition! I've been following your blog for a quite some time. Love your heartfelt posts and pictures!

frecklewonder said...

oh my! beautiful photos, i'm so happy for you all, such an amazing time- that first few weeks home with a new baby.

two things you wrote really stuck out to me: the part about baby reid always being here, quiet and waiting. that's just beautiful sharilyn. you are such a gem of a mama. every child should be so lucky!!!!!!

also, the last part- hoping for them to make team and for the 3 of you to have new and precious times... i know what you mean by this, and i can promise you- this will happen. it's an adjustment, to go from one child to two... henry and i had almost 7 years together, and i was so scared about how we would transition from that, how would i divide my time? how would it all work out? but it does. you will see.

i'm so happy for you. enjoy this time together as a new family of 4.

xoxox!!!!!!!

Sara said...

Such sweet photos of your family. Thank you for sharing :)

K said...

I've only had Luka for 3 months, yet I can't wrap my head around ever having to share my love or overall excitement for him with another child, if we were to ever have one. I miss him when he sleeps.

You made me feel the tiniest bit better with this post, though I'm sad you are missing her.

yasmine said...

precious. absolutely wonderful. congrats again!

Vintage Kids' Books My Kid Loves said...

thanks for sharing those intimate thoughts... my husband has always been afraid of a second child for those very reasons, but now that it is nearly too late, i am envious of the journey you are embarking on. so lucky and sweet. congrats.

Madame Awesomepants said...

I remember that anguish, thinking "what have I done? I miss my [first born] so much!" It was hard, but as time passed I forgot about that feeling of being alone and we were so much more as his love grew for his brother. Hopefully you guys get there soon too.

Elizabeth said...

Such beautiful family photos--you'll treasure those so much! And it will get easier to be a team. Just keep talking about and through it because it really is so hard at first.

Traveling Mama said...

Congrats on your sweet little guy! He is beautiful! I know that feeling so well when you miss the other child (or children) but it makes the time you have alone with the other even more special. My daughter and I love to having "girl nights" when we leave all the boys at home (while the play Wii) and we go shopping and have a nice dinner out.

Amanda said...

Such adorable photos and a beautiful heartfelt post. I too am pregnant with our second baby and am already anxious about how the change will affect time with my firstborn. I'm glad Adelaide is taking all the changes so well.

jo @ a life in lists said...

In some ways we had a really hard start to having two, as a c-section meant I was stuck in hospital and couldn't spend any proper time with my little boy. I've found things are settling down now my partner is back at work and we're starting to carve out a new rhythm for our family.

Megan said...

Beautifully said. Sending you hugs. I can imagine how overwhelming it all must be. I believe you WILL be a team and it will be great! I'm sure all the hormones flying around you aren't exactly helping things. Addie seems so happy and adjusted and that's because of the bond you have. It's definitely still there; just showing itself in new ways.

Rose said...

The same thing happened to me when I had my daughter. I remember saying about my son, "I miss him." But now that my daughter is three and my son is nearly seven, the three of us have so much fun together every day! As soon as you are able to get around a bit better, and start wearing Reid in a sling, life will be alot easier. Enjoy this fleeting brand-new baby time. As you know, it goes by in a blink!

cherubsn said...

It brings tears to my eyes just reading your blog. I felt the exact same way ten months ago. It hurts us more than them. Now Lone, my four year old just wants her baby sister Smyth to hurry up and grow up, so that she can play with her. I cried a lot of those first nights. Lone slept with my until Smyth came along also. Last night, guess who was in bed with me?! Both of them! My advice is just to remember that they are both still babies. Sometimes, I think I push Lone to be older than she is, because she is no longer the little one. Congrats!!

Delta456 said...

Congratulations Sharilyn! He is beautiful. You brought back such memories for me - when my daughter was born my son had just turned 3. My sister came over every day to play with him so I could care for her. I was so lonely for him! He did fine with all of the extra attention from his aunt... but I didn't. I couldn't wait for her to go home some days! Brings tears to my eyes even today. Cherish your little ones... they grow up and are gone so fast. The days were long, but the years flew by. I still miss my little ones...

Dawn said...

sweetness. you are a mother of two now :) you three will most definitely find your rhythm with time and i'm sure it will be the most wonderful bond. you are so lucky! happy mothering to you! congratulations!

Tarjetas Yari said...

Hi your son is beautiful and the girl too. Now you realize that two not the same that one but the love is more. Congratulations!!!

Tiby said...

I had exactly the same felling after having my second daughter, even worst because she arrives 8 years after my first one.
My first daughter was only mine and I was only hers for 8 consecutive years and at the time I was sure that nothing could be the same.
I cried out like crazy on each corner of the house, with the most heartbroken pain.
But as use to happen, even with a first child, love grows minute after minute and the bond becomes infinite.
Now, I know that I could not live without both of them by mi side.

Congratulations for having such a beautiful family!
Tibi

Anonymous said...

I am enjoying so much to read your blog!

Rachel said...

Congratulations! I can't even imagine the transition, but I'm sure you'll all develop into a little family team soon.

Kate said...

My second daughter is eight weeks old and my first daughter is four. You've so eloquently described exactly how I'm feeling.

Joan said...

Having a second child to care for takes some adjustment. It all falls into place in due time. Part of the pain/tears is hormonal...you're going to feel out of balance for a while. The pain will ease with time. Addie will be able to adjust to the new little one in her own way.

Live in the moment, savor these precious days for the newness, the blessings...they are fleeting and need to be treasured.

You're a loving mother, your children will respond to that in a very positive way. Wrap them both in your heart and treasure this sweet time.

Joan

Kelsi said...

Thank you for your honesty. You will all figure out new rhythms and connections and routines. It will take time. You have such a good heart.

Elise N Black said...

My eldest is 26 now, and I can still remember the same aching I felt when his younger brother was born. I knew that our time together would never be the same. Now all these years later he has given me to lovely grands, and life does indeed go on.

sacha said...

I know those feelings- those torn feelings-- when one child is on the breast and the other wants a story which is doable, but then feeling not quite present for either one. You are so wonderful to acknowledge your feelings now knowing that it will change-- as things always do.

Erin said...

Congratulations! What a beautiful baby boy.

wtmontana said...

Congratulations are in order for your sweet little family, Sharilyn!

Adelaide looks adorable as a doting big sister and Reid is just a bundle of cuteness.

Congratulations again, for you and your man Charles!

Best wishes.

Stina G said...

Such lovely photos!!
Thank you for sharing them & your experience ♥

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your new life!!! Your children are absolutely beautiful! I know exactly how you are feeling when it comes to Adelaide. My daughter was almost 4 when my son was born and I cried for several days because I missed that it would never be just her and me again. (A bit dramatic maybe, but I suffered postpartum anxiety with each of my babies). Anyway, all I can tell you is that the feeling of missing her does pass. You find time to do things with just her! I try to plan mom and me days once a month. When you think things will never be "normal" again, they will!! Best Wishes and blessings!

jademondin said...

what a cute bundle of joy. and oh, i so understand your feelings.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you, Charles & Adelaide.
Enjoy, Enjoy, Enjoy!

Annie Pazoo said...

Sharilyn, you express so well what I felt for my firstborn and never was able to explain. I love my second fiercely, but could not help missing the closeness and 1:1 time of having one. Now they are teen and tween, and we have even less time together. Already grieving, anticipating the days when they will be out of the house. Want to hold on to them forever.

Your family is beautiful.

Me said...

Don't be sad, the pieces all fit together to be a family. Your sweet daughter doesn't feel what your heart is feeling and that's how it's meant to be. You're a good mom!

Stephanie said...

First, congratulations on your new baby! And second, I do understand what you're feeling about going from one child to two. It is a different world entirely and life is never the same again. In both good ways and bad ways. It is a loss in some ways, in that you lose the time and maybe some connection that you had with the first born. But, in time, you'll see the way they both enrich each other's lives in ways you never could have imagined or provided yourself. It is hard when the new one is so tiny, but really and truly, they'll benefit so much from having each other. Hugs, mama.

littlepuffyclouds said...

I'm just newly pregnant with #2 and I wasn't expecting to feel worried like I have been about missing my daughter, and our peaceful days together... I think I will let people "help" me by watching the baby for a little while, so I can go snuggle with her! Good luck and thanks for the beautiful post. Maybe you could make some time each day that you and Adelaide can count on...

Anonymous said...

Congratulations. I, like so many others, seem to have had the very same experience when my second was born - unfortunately I ended up being diagnosed with PND. My advice in retrospect is to enjoy every moment with your new little boy, I really regret the time I missed with him because I was not there mentally. These days are so precious, and they will go so fast. Best of luck with everything. As they say, baby steps - everything will be perfect. Thank you also for your beautiful and inspiring blog.

Eugénie said...

What lovely pics !
Congrats !!

Rhonda said...

Hello Sharilyn and sweet babies!

I enjoyed reading your blog. I know how you feel missing your daughter, I felt the same way with my Maria. It will get better and you will be able to spend time with Addie more as you all get use to a routine. If you don't have one, get the MOBY carrier! It was a livesaver and blessing for my when Eliza Jane came into our lives nineteen months ago.
I think of you, Addie, and Reid as the three Muskateers! Just like Maria,Eliza Jane and me are!
Enjoy every minuate with your children! Such sweet babies you have!
Many Blessings!
Rhonda

jane said...

Hi Sharilyn,
I came across your blog after reading about you in the Canadian Home and Garden magazine. I really loved your house so wanted to find out more - little did I know how much more I would find on your website - from prints to paint colour - so awesome. Anyway, have been a bit of a fan ever since. Congratualtions on baby Reid - I have 3 children and remember the transition from 1 to 2 as being a bit heart-wrenching too - but it goes away (especially when the hormones settle down!) Anyway, would you mind sharing where you bought your cute boxes you have over your computer desk, the 4 all the same, (maybe you made them). Anyway, can't find any cute ones, so thought maybe I'd just go ahead and ask you. Best wishes to you - thanks for your inspiration - you are amazing,
Jane

jen said...

i felt the same way when my second son was born when my first son was just 18 months old. i ended up needing an emergency c-section and i cried mostly because it meant i could not pick up my first son for 6 weeks. i was dying to hold him the way i could before i got big and pregnant.

it's amazing, that bond with a first born. and even more amazing when, over time, it happens all over again with the second baby too!

congratulations to you and your family!

Yvonne Stehle said...

He is so cute and tiny and sweet and I know exactly how you feel about your girl! When our second child was born after 18 months I persuaded averybody to take care of the baby. our little girl got enough attention as a baby but our firstborn was left out and I know he needed me much more. And it is still this way after the third child: The oldest is the most needy and wants to spend more time with me than the other two and I also always feel I have to take more care of him.
But the bondage between all three is there and it is wonderful how it grows over time although there are daily hard times between siblings - let me warn you - but that makes them grow !
All the best for your lovely family!
Yvonne

Jessica said...

Congratulations!! Enjoy your family time!

Emily said...

Congratulations! What beautiful children. Enjoy these wonderful (and exhausting!) days.

julia @ simple truths said...

beautiful pictures!

Connie said...

Congratulations! He is just the most adorable thing ever! Love hearing about your sweet family.

Anna said...

what a sweet little boy. and missing your first born, I totally can empathize with you!

Thea said...

What a beautiful baby, and a beautiful post! I experienced a similar sadness after greeting our second baby - your observation about the surprise you felt at how much you miss her after her prepping her for missing you is spot on!

It does get better, though. My two girls are just entering the realm of playing together, and it's magical to watch them giggle and chat in their own little languages.

michelle said...

You so beautifully put words to the exact feelings I had when my daughter was born. My son was 2 1/2 when she was born and I remember crying at night because I "missed" him and our time together so much. My daughter is now 3 1/2 herself and I am already trying to come to terms with her starting preschool in 6 months time! The emotions of motherhood. :)

Carolyn said...

Like you, I have a daughter and then a son, and I remember feeling the same way after my son was born. In fact, when I look back at pictures, I think I have more pictures of my daughter than of my son in those first few weeks. I felt so sad for her as she adjusted to less time with me... I felt almost guilty about it actually. But I felt sad for me too. I missed her.

It helped me when I realized that a sibling was possibly the best gift I could ever give her.

Blessings on your little family!

Sara said...

congrats... I know how it can be to go from one child to two... enjoy the parts you love, and find lessons and value in the others.. heh...

your baby boy is beautiful

rahel said...

Oh- I know how this is, when the secon one arrives. I had the exactly same feeling- that I missed my older daughter. She suddely seemed so big and I sometimes felt that I had lost her... even if I tried to make space and time only for her. 1.5 years passed now and somehow I forgot about it...
Wish you all the best!

Holly said...

This makes me smile. How beautiful and wonderful--even as you are adjusting to the new space your boy holds in your life and the readjustments it requires with Adelaide. I am so happy for you.

Carolyn said...

Precious little kids! Congratulations!

San Diego Mobile Notary

Ana Degenaar said...

Those photos make my heart melt.
xx

P.S. If you participated in this giveaway please leave your comment again. Blogger re-posted it without the comments. I apologize and thank you.

Jessica Elizabeth said...

I only have one boy of 2 1/2 so am yet to go through the second baby stuff. But what I do think is that what used to be your normal won't be the same again but you will find your new normal which will be so wonderfully better for having little Reid in it. It might take some time to get used to but kids are so resilliant and flexible and take things in their stride. Much Love xx

Miss Haley Bradshaw said...

Your writing is so pure and honest and this post made me cry. More than once.

All of these feelings will pass soon and your little team WILL come together.

Congratulations on the new addition. You have the most beautiful children. I was telling my husband about them at breakfast this morning... We want a second child now that our first is about to turn 2... I know that I will turn to your blog for advice when I do get pregnant again.

Thank you. xo

Miss Haley Bradshaw said...

By the way, my son grunted and growled a LOT when he was first born.. We also wondered if this was something that other babies did or just our little Haakon. Over time is subsided, but I didn't even really notice when. I just suddenly realized one day that all of the grunting had come to an end and that he was now doing other things and making new noises...

Maybe it is a boy thing.

Amy-Beth said...

Good post, it is great that you put time aside for Adelaide and that she understands what
is going on with the arrival of Reid. Comfort her and explain to her how a bit more
attention is needed for Reid as he is so little. It is great how she helps out with caring
for Reid as this would give her a sense of self-worth and probably makes her feel grown up.
You should not feel guilty for giving more attention to Reid as it is evident that you
take the time to involve Adelaide in daily activities and make her feel loved.
You seem very family orientated and that’s such a lovely quality to have. I would suggest
visiting Pulse Learning where you can access
a wide range of clinical topics including frequently asked questions and answers about
health surrounding postnatal depression and issues which you have brought up in your
post - hope you find some answers! good luck!

Roy said...

Oh my god, there is really much effective info above!
nj limo service | wedding venues dallas | used car dealerships in chicago

4rx said...

There are not doubts you have a happy family! and I just wanna tell you as an advice try to share with them all possible time you can, because is so hard when you lose them.