I haven't been feeling very creative recently, and so I was hoping that a trip away would help me to find some of my waning inspiration. But as the week went on I began to feel just a little bit uneasy, because although the trip was marvelous in a "get away from it all" type of way, my inspiration was just not returning. I was feeling... flat in that department. I started wondering to myself, what I would do if all of my inspiration, ideas, and creativity just faded away, and never returned. I began to feel a little bit lost in the world.
And so we returned home to Vancouver. We walked in the front door and I was hit so hard with the cozy happiness of our house. I had really forgotten how great home can be! Once again I saw and I felt the life which, together, we have made for ourselves. And, quietly waiting for me, all of the neatly organised treasures which we have loved and brought into our home. Adelaide's rocks and seashells, much loved old books, family photographs, art made by friends. It felt so good to be home.
And woosh - Inspiration hit me. Hard! In the most unlikely of places - my home. I was filled with an overwhelming desire to create once again. I have so many ideas and all I want to do is lock myself in my workroom and make things! Hurriedly, I jot down ideas and throw together Illustrator files full of shapes, colours, textures. Swipe some chalk from Adelaide and scratch out thoughts onto my neglected chalkboard. I am attempting to capture even a little bit of what is bursting in my brain. Trying to keep it all, trying not to lose it once again.
For of course... my real life as a mama is a little bit more pressing. Adelaide, as if sensing my distraction, is desperate to regain her status as number one in her mama's world. I have been trying to find a way to keep this inspiration and not lose it in amongst all the million other little things that overtake my life and my brain.
Tooth-brushing, pants on front-ways, matching socks, hair-doing, healthy snacking, vegetable eating, tidying, playground visiting, crossing the street, showing, teaching, lunch-making, unclogging stroller wheels, laundry-doing, folding, tidying, bed-making, vacuuming, chasing, changing, tear-wiping, distracting, cat-litter changing, playdohing, cupcake-making, stickerbooking, role-playing, socializing, wiping bottoms, flushing the toilet, bath-running, hair-washing, band-aiding, comforting, story reading, kissing, hugging, encouraging, loving.
But I am happy. I am thrilled that inspiration has returned! And feeling a little bit silly for doubting myself. For becoming a mama - and all that becoming a mama brings - didn't change who I am. But it did make me so much stronger and much more patient and full of more love than I knew was ever possible.
And so I have made my choice. I am determined to encourage and capture my inspiration, and I am determined to be a fabulous mama, too! Here's to making the decision to be the best mamas that we could ever be, and - somehow - not losing ourselves in the fray.