Tuesday, May 19, 2009

28 months young

28 months young by you.

She tells me many things these days. She announces that she loves mama, daddy, elliot, choo choo trains, drawing, ice cream, yellow. She is always up to read books, go for walks, make drawings. She is always singing. She is constantly on the look for playgrounds. She picks dozens of dandylions and brings them home "For Elliot". She calls Elliot "her baby". She likes to put treasures (pennies, pebbles) in her pockets. She dreams up ideas and shares them with me. She is the most charming person that I have ever met. She is my whole heart.

I am frightened. Everyday I see so much indifference, selfishness, and greed in this world and I see my beautiful bright little girl with her kind heart and sweet soul in the very middle of it. Sometimes I wonder, what have I done? Bringing her to this awful place. I am not sure how to help her to be good and kind yet strong and tough all at once. I am trying to show her all of the love and beauty that is here, to remember that there is still a little good to be had and to be made. I am not sure I have faith in our world anymore, but I will always try to have faith in her.

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel. My beautiful sweet daughter just turned one, and I too am scared for her in this world. How do we possibly keep her safe.

Maybe the world is not such an awful place if little girls like these exist. Maybe these sweet beautiful little girls will be what heals it.

I love your blog and the love you have for the little things in life and your family. It always brings a smile to my face to read your posts,keep it up!

Cheers,
Jaime

Anonymous said...

I too have this feeling as my husband and I start a family - but I hope - that what we teach these little ones will help them to be bright lights in this troubling world! Thanks for your blog!! :)

jenn said...

Sharilyn, I feel the same way everyday. I worry so much about sending my girls out into the world. Clara is starting preschool in the fall and I am scared! I sometimes just want to scoop them up and keep them at home with me forever.
I guess all we can do is make sure they know how much we love them, and that will give them confidence to handle whatever comes their way.

Christine--RHP said...

I have often felt the same way with my little one, who is now nearly 12!! And time and the miracle of who he is allows me, slowly and not without pain, to release my grip on him and watch him fly out of the nest and into the world--into his own little world of school, adventures, travel, relationships, etc. When he was younger, I never would have believed I could do any of it.
I believe it is the rightest thing in the world that mothers are this way--so solidly protective of their young. And it is good that they grow up over years and not months-to give the mothers time to adjust!
I love reading your blog for many reasons, not the least of which is Addie!

Strongrrl said...

My daughter just turned 4 and I struggle with the same thoughts. A few things that help: knowing that my parents felt the same way when I was born in 1968. Also, I do believe that starting with my generation, but certainly with the next, there is a consciousness shift happening in terms of our relationships with each other and the environment. There is, of course, the fear that it'll be too late for real change. On that we just have to hope, pray, and make change in our own lives and let others learn from our example.

Danette said...

I saw a pic of your beautiful daughter sleeping over on A Cup of Joe and I fell in love. Babies sleeping are the best. My girls are now almost 4 and 6 and they still look so sweet, but the little ones in their little sleeper pjs are just too much!!

I will now go and check out the rest of your blog.

Have a great day.

Dawn said...

i hope that one day when i become a mother that i am as loving and caring as you are with your daughter. i can only imagine what she's going to be like when she is older. with your love, i am certain it is the world that will need to watch out for adelaide, not the other way around.

Anonymous said...

You very eloquently captured what I hear in my heart every day. My sons are 3 and 5 -- I am heartened to know that there are other parents wrestling with this and that there are parents like Christine -- RHP who tell us that it will be ok.

stephanie said...

I have to say that the love you show and express for your daughter is refreshingly wonderful.

Your feelings about the world are feelings that I have as well. As much as my husband and I want kids, the fear of bringing them into such a scary place is more than I can bear.

Keep loving your daughter as much as you and keep getting to know her and she will grow to know that there are good things in life, even when the world is so messed up.

joana said...

If we don't give up ...we can create really good microworlds...someone once said the world isn't much bigger than the room we live in...and the "room" we live can be design and planned by us :)

shandam said...

if only all parents out there felt as you do, then there would be so many babies who grow up to be kind, sweet and and beautiful people. it starts with us as parents - and know that YOU are doing your part, and inspiring many of US to do our parts in raising kind human beings...if we can't control the ones out there now, at least we can have a part in the future generation...

happyowlglass said...

She is so beautiful! It's hard to see the uplifting moments sometimes, but other days just seeing other happy parents and little ones brightens my day.

Anonymous said...

Gosh, I totally understand. My boy is only 11 months (almost) and I feel those feelings and worry those worries. I think, though, that you seem to be doing a pretty good job so far and that, while you can't protect her from all that it is out there looming, you will prepare her for the good and the bad by setting the wonderful example you are already setting. You are so creative and positive and obviously super loving... (and that's just what I've gathered from your blog and a few emails!) That is what she will need to grow into a strong and wonderful woman. I think she is a very lucky little one. - Ema

Anonymous said...

it must be that every parent has this feeling...and struggles to find the balance with protecting/sheltering our children, and having the confidence that out in the world our children have strength and faith in themselves...

crit said...

sharilyn, once again, your words about sweet adelaide are wonderful.

i feel that there is nothing else that i can add that hasn't already been said! as with all of the other moms, i worry for my daugher, lily, most every single day. i often find myself mourning the loss of her innocence, which i know will eventually come, though she is also only 28 months old.

my only advice, and without knowing your religious beliefs, is to pray for her and her world. we can only do so much to protect them, that eventually we just have to rely on faith. faith in God... faith in mankind... faith in our parenting abilities!

thank you so much for your beautiful words and for opening your heart to all of us on a regular basis.

yours truly is the loveliest blog i read!

TrippleJN said...

Your post gives me the chills...this is so much how I feel, and have felt from the very beginning with my daughter. It's comforting to know you feel the same things I do, yet I am sorry that you worry like I do.

When I first hear of the attacks on September 11th, one of my first and very primal fears was that I had made a mistake. My husband and I had been trying for one month to have a baby, but deep in my heart I knew I was pregnant. We confirmed that we were expecting on our wedding anniversary seven days later, September 18th. I almost felt like it was selfish to bring a child I wanted into a place where someday I would be able to provide no protection. Somehow, I also knew at that time we would only have one child, which seemed extra lonely.

I still worry about these things a lot. It's making my chin quiver and my eyes water now. However, your blog is a testament to how wonderful people can be and it calms my worried heart.

We do our best as parents every day to give our daughter everything she needs for the future. I rest knowing that I am doing the best I can and that she is an innately beautiful and wonderful (and resourceful!) person, just like your Addie.

I am thinking of you.

Jenny

Nikki said...

I have these feelings too when I think about having children. Thank you for putting it into words. A friend told me we need smart, honest, caring people to reproduce so we'll continue to have smart, honest caring people in this world.

Kathy said...

I also often wonder what the world is coming to; the fear can be paralysing. I've raised two daughters in Jerusalem during the height of the terrorist attacks when man's cruelty to his fellow man was in our face almost on a daily basis. Yes,the world can be a terrible place but there is also much that is good and beautiful. From what I've read on your blog, you are a thoughtful, caring mother and I can actually feel the love that you have for your daughter. I believe you are doing the right thing by teaching her about the good that there is. This is the only world we've got and we have to deal it and protect our children. Addie is already ahead of the game by having you as her mother.

Susan Magnolia said...

I have had the same thoughts, and just reading this reminds me that its okay. Reading people's blogs, discovering so many like minded humans in this world comfort me.
She will grow strong because that is the miracle of life. Until then she has you and her family, and her community to help her to thrive.

lotta said...

Indeed the big picture is pretty horrific, but you (and hopefully many of us) are on the right track. I am convinced that love, compassion, and care will pervade. My sons are now 17 and 13, and although their innocence is long gone, they are growing into pretty terrific young men, despite it all. Have hope!

natasha said...

What a beautiful little girl.

meli-mello said...

I know I am just reiterating what so many others said but I too have a little girl (just turned one) who fills and breaks my heart every moment of the day. I feel so lucky and blessed and scared all at the same time and it is a wonder any of us can function carrying around all of these emotions!

marianne said...

cuánta dulzura en tus palabras! Ojalá el mundo se llene de gente como vos!
how much sweetness in your words! How good it would be that the world is full of people like you

patricia said...

I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way about my kids as they face the world. But you know what our kids and your sweet baby girl will cross paths with all the other sweeties that are growing up right along side them. They will find the ones that will appreciate them for who they are. That is my biggest wish.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post and what a beautiful daughter you have.

Here's a question, where did you get her shirt? I love it!

karola said...

what a beutiful girl you have, you must be a very proud mommy!

Hatchancy said...

ord. Sometimes i worry about how I can bring my son up in this complex world. He's only 7 months. ah I think far.

But then I remember telling him when he's still in me, that I can't wait to have him arrive in this beautiful world. where there are simple wonders of nature.

I want to let him enjoy the simple beauty of life but also understand that this world is not perfect. And I want to be there to catch him when he falls and teach him how to pick himself up again.

Wish you and all the mummies here all the love in this world to share with our little ones!

kgbubble said...

Wow. As is usually the case when I read your blog entries, this one was just so time appropriate for me. I actually had a little crying melt down last night with my husband about this very thing. I confessed that I am either the most difficult to please person on the planet (who is going to face more and more difficulties as my daughter ventures more and more out into the world, where compromises on high standards often have to be made), or I am living in a culture that just doesn't provide what it should, with very backwards priorities, where seemingly the only way around the dilemma is to pay around it, which is very frustrating. A bit of both is likely true: backwards culture, which needs to be craftily navigated, and a girl (me) who needs to be more trusting, needs to remember to dream, and to remember that some of her favorite things in the universe are the creations of human beings. And I have to believe that there are enough of us out there that want the same amazing, beautiful existences that we can at least find a community in that, where we may help each other to our goals, make a better place and better people for our kids--cliche as it sounds. It helps me, personally, just knowing that other people are having the same feelings, dreams and fears. ahh, to be alive. anyway, thanks for sharing; as usual it has made my day a bit better. peace, Sharilyn!

michelle said...

hi. i'm 16, barely an adult. and here's what i think:
there is indifference, selfishness and greed, and so many bad things in the world that you wouldn't want to show your baby girl (whom is absolutely gorgeous, from the bottom of my heart) but there is so much love, creativity, beauty and wonder in this crazy world. your heart will ache, not of sadness, but of pride. xxxxxxxxx hope you're well!
i love your blog :D

Anonymous said...

There is a country song I like that has the lyrics "Love's the only house big enough for all the pain in the world."

I try to have a house of love for my family and you seem to as well. We keep our precious ones safe (the best we can) and loved and try to combat the pain and sorrow in the world with the overpowering of love we have for our families and others. Fear and violence are powerful, but nothing is stronger than love.

tiel said...

if you had decided not to bring her into this world, then there would be not beauty. Beauty creates beauty in so many ways.javascript:void(0)

Camilla Engman said...

She's so beautiful, looks very much like you :)
I don't think the world is a worse place to live in now than it was 100 years ago, maybe even the opposite. But I think there is less innocence, most of us are more aware of what happens out there. And most of us don't do much about it, and I think that's where the uglyness is. More good deeds and nice people is just what we need :)

Lauren said...

Your words vocalize my greatest fear about having children.. There is many many things going wrong with the world, but on top of that so many good things too. Her favorite things, ice cream, yellow, walks; those are my favorite too. There is hope that she will grow up still loving all those things, and she will carry it on to spread more happiness.

The key to me is the parenting. If you bring her up to be aware of her surroundings, to understand the values of being a loving, hard working, smart and forgiving person, she will be fine, and she will make an amazing citizen.. one day you'll be proud to know you raised her so well. It's little girls like yours that gives me hope for the next generation

Jenifir said...

While we cannot completely keep our children the negatives in the world, what we expose them to on a daily basis will be who they are. Now that my children are getting older, I can see how encouraging their creativity and concern for others has significantly formed their personalities. When they are in the bigger world, their open-ness and talent makes a notable effect on all who witness it and I believe encourages a generosity of spirit in others. Parenting this way is not always the easiest but I am now very aware of the benefits.

Polly R said...

She is so beautiful!

Pretty by Pistachio said...

I really enjoy reading your blog, and wanted to pass on the Lovely Blog award :)

http://prettybypistachio.blogspot.com/2009/06/lovely-blog-award.html

Louise xo

christine said...

"Sometimes I wonder, what have I done? Bringing her to this awful place. I am not sure how to help her to be good and kind yet strong and tough all at once...."

me too mama, me too...
when you figure it out, let us all know.

i just found your blog a few days ago. i love the way you write about Adelaide (my daughters middle name!). thanks for putting my heart into words. i could never say it as completely as you do...

Bubbles & Bloom said...

This is one of the cutest posts I've read in a while.
My daughter is one and this reminded me of all the love her Dad and I feel for her, and the little treasue she's turning out to be.
I'm sur you will find a way to make her strong enough for the world out there, while preserving her innocence. I have no doubt in my own ability to do that: many parents have managed it somehow.

She's a very pretty little girl!

Charlotte said...

Oh my goodness I've just discovered your blog today and I love your words. Your daughter is so lucky to have you and is such a gift for you, but it is such a heartbreaking thing to know that you cannot protect her fully from the world. My mother died last year and I am now caring for my much younger brother, and I feel terrified all the time of what the world could do to him. It still feels so new to me, and also he is 12 now so is deseprate to be independent; I can't imagine what it must be like to care for someone so little and I get scared that I won't be able to have another child because I will be too scared for them! But reading your blog and all the comments gives me such hope that there are such LOVELY people in this world and we must hold onto that.
Thank you so much for writing this.
Charlotte x